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Bright is the moon high in starlight

Chill in the air cold as steel tonight

12/20/06 08:20 pm - I fall into pieces, pieces

I could have gone on last night, but no one told me that Dad went to Sue's after I decided to power sleep. That sucked. I wasn't even tired, but I was bored.

SO, yesterday I got kind of pissed in English. We were watching this documentry on Crossword puzzles. It is actually a lot better than it sounds. There was one guy who gave his boyfriend a peck on the lips. The way some people flipped out. What the fuck!!! No, seriously. I mean, that's how you kiss your mother. Not being 100% heterosexual I take offense to that as well. It's stupid. Heterosexuals are not the only type of people walking the world and they have no right to say what is wrong or right. I mean, if they are allowed to do something, the rest of the different sexual orientations can as well. Besides, a lot of the non straight relationships that I have seen are working a lot better then most of the generic ones. Correct me if I am wrong. I just don't see what is so appalling. People are so fucking ignorant. I was goalie in Gym yesterday. I let in one goal, but it didn't count becuase there was a hadball penalty that was never doled out to them. So I was good♥. I did better than some people that were goalie, so there. Besides it's gym soccer. Not the world cup. Yesterday was the anniversary of my leaving my mother. ANd my father's engagement to Sue.

I met up with Justine after Math, and her class is right next to mine. In the middle of the period, you hear and explosion of laughter. I asked her why everyone was laughing and she said that this girl Angelica Santucci thought "Cajun" was a country. LMAO.

In Everyday Law we watched a documentary on homeless bodies. Exactly as non exciting as I thought. The only reason why people were so attentative is because Mr. Zimmerman let us watch it, and it had curses in it. oooh. I'm impressed. It is nice to see their point of view, but I would rather read my book which I did.

In Chem, we used the ball and stick models. They were pretty cool until I couldn't get the sticks out. I thought you were supposed to push them in hard. How was I supposed to know. Pete tried to get it out for me, and he said,"What the fuck did you do?!" I was like..."Um..." I asked Mrs. B to do it for me, and she advised the class, "Don't push the stick to far in guys!" And pete looks at me and goes,"Ahemm" He's cute in a chimpanzee meets boy kind of way, but more of a human gene. If that even makes sense. Oh, well, I understand it.

After school I hung with Nicole♥, Kevin, and Dunn. We lolled around and were loud. Me and Nicole talked. I love her. Kevin climbed a bush, and spit on Andrew. It looked like Bird Shit. It was funny. And then I got picked up. Will is going to her house for her New Year's Party. lol, wish I was there:)

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12/18/06 08:58 pm - Mood Swings= Terrible Day

I can't really say what happened, but I woke up happy and in the transition of taking my shit out of my locker, I became close to tears and really angry. Andrew was quite annoying and I would have loved to smash his face into a wall over and over and over again. That would have been so nice. The kid is nice and all, but he says the dumbest things. I'm going to have to ditch him soon. That sounds vapid and shallow but it's true. He is a big reason why I started this day off like shit.

In Math I think i accomplished sleeping with my eyes open and being able to grasp what was going on. I forgot about the whole period but I know exactly what was going on. Wierd. We're doing percentage and interest and shit. Since I'm only in tenth but I'm taking eleventh grade math, I could stop next year!!!! But I won't. What woke me up, and put me into a wierd excited mood was my mid second quarter grade. 96! In Math. I fucking 96. Oh My GOD! I never got that good in Math since like sixth grade. Well, that will surely go down when the midterm comes, but fuck, it boosted my spirits temporarily.

I got a 94 on the Lord of the Flies test. How, may I ask, can a person grade you when every single answer, or most of every single answer was opinion. Shit. It makes absolutely no sense. If you got the facts wrong, I understand. But what the hell, it's your opinion so it can't be write or wrong. It's completly objective...or subjective. I'm going with objective, but correct me if I am wrong.We watched a movie on the guy who makes crossword puzzles.Exciting I don't give a shit, I like the jumbles.

haha. I hate blowing my nose in school, beause even though everyone does it, I still feel like an asshole. And then what if a giant bogey is stuck on my face without me knowing?! Lol, well Tom is embarrassed as well, as it seems. It was kind of funny actually how he was trying to blow his nose as quietly as he could.

In Spanish I expressed how uber excited I am. Beauty and The Geek Three is coming out!!!! Yayyyyyyyyyy. Senor Kraft said he watches it too. THat kind of leads me along further to believe he isn't straight.

Mr. Huf said he brought me in a book. Cool. Book swapp! It's something by Dean Koontz. I forgot what he said. I didn't get to finish our project in class, and the next period teacher was going to a different room, so I couldn't stay. I have to do it tomorrow. Shit. that put me back into a suck-mood.

Really bad mood at lunch. Ryan ended up saying,"What would you do if I did this?"*pokes me in the stomach* I wasn't even tickled like usual, I jsut fucking smacked him in the mouth as hard as I could. Then he was fucking with my straws, and I couldn't eat after he touched them. I hat OCD man. It sucks major ass. Sometimes it is so helpful. But when I throw away all that I am eating for the day, I hate it.

I worked with Melissa, James(Jimes), and Maria in Chem. We had Mr. Wade for a sub. Woohoo! We finished out sheets wuickly, and then Melissa said something to me. SHe said, "I heard that you were this big druggie, but now that I met you and work with you often, I see that you're really smart and all that was just a rumor." James said, "Yeah, I heard that from a kid in my grade"
I was flattered. But what I want to know is who said it. What kids know me like that in 11th grade that don't do anything. He said it was a straightedge kid. Oh well. It was nice to hear that. Someone is realizing that I am not what I made myself out to be. I do mess around with things from time to time, but it's not a constant.I honestly think weed is so pointless. It makes you sit around and laugh a lot. I do that regularly. I do plan later on in life to experiment with somethings, but I don't know the possibility of that ever happening. There's the side of e that says,"You've got a future, chicky." And when I am in a self loathing mode it's,"Why the fuck not?"

After school, I went to Sight and Sound. Miss Kettell is nice, but I don't see how she let other people scream like motherfuckers, yet when I laugh I get in trouble. ugh. There were some cars near the sump where I live, and my Dad called the cops. I'm having the worse day-emotionally- this month. I hate bad days. I have no reason to be mad. Maybe it's because I fucking hate Christmas. I like getting things and what not, but not when people have to buy them for me. I mean, like on a certain day. Why this day? Why not every November 7th or something? Or October 5th? Or July 30th? Why December 25th?

I took the earring out. i told my Aunt Lisa, and she said what happened to Jackie's ear could happen to mine. I don't want it to rip out like hers, and I don
t want to be like her. She said she'll con Dad to let me get it professionally done. I ♥ her! Granny made pasta and it was like from Turkey or whatever(like made and sent from there) and it had glass in it. My cousin Joey cut his gum and Uncle Joe coughed it out. She called to talk to them about it because she didn't believe that it was from Turkey. A half an hour later someone called saying,"You left me a message about pasta?" It was some chicklette from New Jersey. I was laughing so fucking hard.

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12/14/06 08:37 pm - Marshmallow

Yesterday I couldn't get this to work, so I will do it today.

Yesterday was so boring, I couldn't remember. I do know that I am getting to do something I actually want to do in Web Wizards. We are making a website about a career, and my career of choice was what I want to be in life. A medical examiner. It is so fascinating, and for some reason, the more I look up information about it, the less queasy I think I would feel.

For once, I semi-understand scientific notation. Yay. Mr. Zimmerman is a nice guy, but a horrible teacher. We have a test tomorrow and I am doing the best I can with whatever I copied down. This is his first year, but I think he'll be fine in a couple of years, hopefully if he doesn't crack before then. This is going to be a facsimile to last year in Spanish if it continues in today's class's fashion. We spent a whole period on Do Now. We are all going to fail the Regents. Fucking New York, we are like the one of two states that has them. Fuuck. I learned about different tools used in autopsies. The bone saw just has the best name. It sounds so fricken great. In Chem, Pete said something to me. I don't like him, but I'd want to like him if that makes sense. He is one of those popular kids, but in Junior year. But he's really nice. Even around his friends. He says the funniest things that jsut make me laugh. Like, yeserday he said "plinus" in stead of positive or negative and it was funny. I told Miss B. that there was a giant flying purple cow behind her and she looked. Than, for kicks, I threw a pencil out of the window, and Jimes and I were bent double. Being easily amused is a gift♥

After school I got the PSAT scores. I wish I did better, but it wass good enough for dad. I got a 1690/ 2400. I beat some juniors, and I was satisfied with what Braico told me. I scored 96% better than other Sophomores nation wide that took this test on the reading part, 85% better on the math, and 80 % on the Critical Writing. I got a 64/80 on the reading, a 55/80 on the math, and a 50/80 on the writing. I'm not terribly elated; it's like a seventy, but considering that this was supposed to e designated for Juniors, I'm happy. I went to Sight and Sound and played Line Rider with Matt Block. I heart him. He is good, in small doses. He is funny. He did the exploding thing with the water bottle that I couldn't do. He did it right when a custodian was behind him, and all of a sudden, the cap just shot up and hit the ceiling. THe janitor said "Real nice." dripping with cynicism. I had to laugh. It was a beautiful moment. I talked to Cecchini before and it was actually a small but nice conversation. He's a cool kid, and I am glad I met him. I can actually talk about things to him, not just about music or stuff. That makes me feel accomplished, making a friend.

I had marshmallows for dinner,and I am still hungry and insanely bouncy. You know, just another healthy meal!!
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10/11/06 12:21 am - Where did I go Wrong, I lost a friend...

I've given up on trying to write about the last two weeks, so I'll start from Sunday.

I had a talk with Frankie about my cutting problem, and I think I saw a light. He told me how he couldn't sleep the night before because he knew about what I did, and it really bothered him. I never wanted to make anyone else get upset, I wanted this to be a private thing. He told me, it makes him not want to hang out with me because I disturb him. How I translate it is that he abhors what I do to myself and that if I don't stop I will be pushing aaway someone I love, and that is the last thing I want. I swear I never want to fucking cut again. He dropped me off at Grandma's, who was miserable for things which I will get into later. I chilled outside with Joey, Chris, new girl which I am starting to not like Cathy, Ricardo, Frankie(not my bro), and this kid JR. They were all skating and shit, and I ended up lying down on a deck and getting ollied over, which was kind of fun in it's own way. Then Macho came out and played football with Brendan Avendido which I ended up joining with. It was cool. I love Macho, he's only 7 and can do more things on a bike than I could ever do in my life. I didn't even know how to ride a bike at 7. Anyway, after dinner, Jackie and I ended up just walking around talking and taking what we can get from a tiny bottle of German liquor. That just added to my theory: No alcohol( not including shnapps and what not) tastes good by itself; I think so, at least. So she told me how she is unsure if she is pregnant, which is a giant problem if she is. Then I talked to her about what Frankie said, and other things in the family category. It turns out, Joey bought a new hat and skateboard, and my Aunt Lisa( not his mom) thought he got the money by pushing drugs. She ended up throwing him down the stairs, following with a vacuum and some of his father's electronics. Make a long story short he got pissed, and he went to punch her and with her cat like quickness, she moved, him leaving a hole in the wall and having a broken wrist, which he still had not got set. That happened on Friday, I'm thinking. SO, obviously, they are not speaking with each other. I cut her hair when we got inside, and put in in a concoction that would later be poured all over the street because we're cool like that.

I made some eggies for breakfast, which were pretty good, if I do say so myself. Then we sat outside, and I had Jackie cracking up because I mimicked everything this guy accross the street was doing while he waited for his girlfriend. He's older, mind you, and what made me feel dick for a moment, was that he uses a hearing aid becuase he is deaf. Oh, well, It amused me, which sounds pretty bad, but I kind of ifnd myself not giving a shit, because it isn't like I hurt him or anything. Jackie was banned from seeing Jacinto for a month, which to me sounds like nothing, but it was some big shit for her. I apparently have the knowledge of love/like of a spoon, because adding to that, I still like Greg, but not as much asa I did. Now I can't stop seeing him as a brother. Fuck, I'll die single and a virgin. Oh, well. Later, she told me that she is planning on running away, which she did. I went home, and had the worst sleep, which has been normal, lately.

I woke up today, like I do everyday. And I knew that soemthing had to be up, I felt it inside me somewhere. I got to school, so far, things were normal. I found my two media requirements for the outside reading Project: Titanic and Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" I'm happy with it, and I'm quite proud of myself for being one of the five that have it even started. Second period, I was also quite pleased with myself. She made me and Nancy act/improvise in front of the class. I didn't turn red, nor did I choke, nor did I get embarrassed. I had confidence, I held my head up high, and I had fun. I the "Ismene" of a situation and she was the "Antigone". I had the class laughing, so I was having fun. I want to get up and do that more♥. I love that class so fucking much. Fifth, something odd happened. Kathy and I had a civilized conversation about horror flicks. I am not really too scared to watch them anymore. I watched Hellraiser: Bloodline, which was more gore, over the weekend, and I thought it fucking hilarious. Bones being ripped out of skin and fake mean dogs are kind of funny to me, so yeah. Lunch was cool, as was Chem. I have a 94 avereage so far and just recieved a 95 on the last test. I was like, "That's not bad" and she was like, " Not at all, that's excellent!" In gym, I hit Mike DiMeao, who's kind of close to hot, in the head with a frisbee on accident, and just had some fun. I love frisbees.

After school was math extra help. It didn't doo a lot for me, but I have a theory that it's good for oyur grade if you go, and not for the extra learning.

When I went home, I went to feed Zippy, and was overcome by some major curiosity. What doeas a hedgehog treat taste like? It was supposed to taste like papaya, and I think it did. EIther way, she's sharing that with me!! That isn't the first time I did something like that, nor the second. I had ferret treats before, and dog bisciuts, and goldfish flakes. What can I say, I am too curious for my own good/ curious by nature. Anyway, before Dad left, he gave me my cell phone in the case of him wanting to reach me( Dial Up Fucking SUCKS!) I got a message from my AUnt Doreen, telling me that Jackie climbed through her window last night and ran away. I called back, as she requested and spoke for about twenty three minutes. She told me how Jackie, if she gets caught, will face runaway charges and be sent back to Madonna Heights, which I know she hates. Her mom is willing to let er stay for two months until she's 17, so that way Jacinto won't face Statutory Rape. All I know is, so far, I am one of the only people who knows that she has a possibility of being pregnant. I'm scared for her, I am worried for her, and her family, which also includes me. I wonder where she is right now, and how everyone on Junard Drive is handling this. I want nothing less than for her to be safe, and well, unpregnated. I would do anything for her to come back. Ironically, Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton just made up. That was our Nicknames, her Paris, and I Nicole/ Nicky. This isn't cool. I know, in other entries, I was fuming about her, but still, she made me smile so many times before, and I do love her. I just can't stand her sometimes. I just want her back, but if she doesn't want to be found, she probably won't.

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9/4/06 04:01 pm - Friends Only

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Comment to be added.
For the most part, I'll add you back.

9/1/06 10:15 pm - Spicy Chicken

After the last entry, I did...you guessed it, nothing!!!

I watched Cannonball Run with my Dad, and it was actually pretty cool. Burt Reynolds is such a fucking cool guy. Dean Martin was in it too. He was a methodist priest or whatever. I didn't know he was dead! He died eleven years ago. I'm on top of things, can you tell?

Grandma invited us over for crabs, not the pubic type, and he declined. Frankie already had dinner set with Danielle, so as far as I saw, I would be spending part of the night at Sue's. But Mikey and Rosa came in and they invited me to go to the mall with them. So I did. We went there and went to the video game store and then to Lids. It was buy three get one free. I should have got one T_T. The black with green outline of a clover. I don't really give a fuck what team, but it was so.... BEAUTIFUL .

Then we went to eat at The Great Panda Express. I had something with Kung Pau Chicken, and it was spicy as fuck. I ate one of those peppers and my eyes were tearing, andI handle spicy things a little better than average. SO this motherfucking pepper was serious. He was a no bullshit type of pepper if you know what I mean.

I love the mall. I llove the way people dress when they go to the mall. They dress to impress. You've got the people who do what they can to look flawless so the Modeling agency people will look their way. You've got the people who dress in their best shit so people will give them that second glance. You've got the kids that come with the family, but dress like they are from somewhere else. You've got the people who O.D on the fishnets and stuff so they can go in to Hot Topic, then to come out with a bag of jewelry, then go to Abercrombie which is next door. There's so much more, but I'm just stating an observation. I mean, it's just the mall. I mean, come one now, does it really matter if you brushed your hair that hundreth time? You're supposed to have fun there, not have it be the "Who's the Best looking?" show. No one really gives a shit in the end, unless that's just me saying that. But there's a thousand faces in the mall, so it's not that important.

Anyway, Dad is staying over at Sue's. Pretty cool. I talked to my Grandmother and My Uncle Joe, and they both want me over. I feel so loved:)♥ So I talked to Dad, and he said, If I can get a ride there, and get a ride back on Monday, then I can go. SO I told Frankie if He decided Yess, He can have all my change. He's off Monday, but he said maybe. I didn't know that Labor Day was, like, something you get off for. I'm dumb like that, but maybe it's because I'm so used to just not having school then. Oh well, prayyyyyyy he says yes.

That's all for now.

9/1/06 08:52 am - Mistake Turned Well?

I've updated like three times in the last twenty four hours. haha, oh well.

Like I said, I got my hair cut. WHat is it about the human psyche that although something might be appeasing, it wasn't exactly how you wanted it, you have to change it, if you can, to make it exact? Well, I kind of took scissors to my bangs to make them more of a fringy look. Well they are now just past my right eye. ANd they want to go foward...I say they because I think they have a mind of their own. But I will post pictures later on(not sure when) and I will need honest answers. I need to know if it would be better if I left it or if it looks fine now and it doesn't matter, or if I made it look better or something. THis is the shortest I've ever gone!! yipes. It fits my personality better, I think. It doesn't look bad to me, and usually I'm my own worse critic with appearance, so I guess it can't be too bad if I like it. I just can't use the highest heat setting on my straightening iron like I did this morening. It didn't make my bangs like go horizontal, it actually made them kind of nice. But the style of the fringe is kind of supposed to be to either my left or right side. I will keep it at the right like usual, but I'll play around sometimes and make it go left, maybe even foward. The length of it wants to go foward. lmao, I'm such an ass, writing a whole paragraph on my hair. I feel guilty, but Frankie, who took me and saw it right after she did it, didn't say anything about the shorter fringe, so apparantly I didn't do a bad job, or it really isn't noticeable. But Aunt Lisa will tell me her opinion as she's good with shit like that. I'mnot crying, so it can't be that bad. And if Iwas crying, I have no one else to blame because it was fine before and I fucked with it. But like I said, Frankie didn't say anything, I actually like it, and it will grow out. I had them short like this before, so I'll just do what I did them, minus messing them up by cutting them again. I will not touch my hair again...until next time I get it cut lol, woow, I can talk forever about my hair, and just hair in general. I would go into detail about how this one is short like Maxi's from General Hospital, but I don't want to bore you.

Yesterday, I had a mango incense burning, and a straightener on. My dog farted, and it smelled bad. But when those three mixed together, it was soo wierd. lmao, I'm and immature dick, but oh well. It actually smelled a lot like pork. Whiich is kinda wierd. lol, so my room smelled like pork for a wavering moment.

WHy oh why do girls break out around their period. It's really such a bother. WHy can't guys bleed from their dick, or get their stomach cut open to take out something that has been growing in you for nine months. And then the child a lot of the times hates the mother. If I ever had kids I would want them to like me. I'd want to be a cool mom. I would like do cool shit with them, but then what if they hate me. Easy solution. I WON'T HAVE KIDS!!

I'm still a bit worried about my hair (oi missy, STFU!), but I just went to the bathroom(nice to know eh?) and looked in the mirror, and I actually LIKE it. So basically I'm a happy camper with a poodle on my lap right now. A poodle that steals my whole sleeping area. A poodle that's like a foot and a half long, and needs a whole room to sleep in. Fuck I'm already on the floor, what more does she want!?

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8/31/06 12:58 pm - Handguns and Candy

Well, yesterday, I did what I always do when I'm here...nothing. Then I decided to watch Mash with the old man, and it was great. I love Alan Alda as pierce. It fits him, he has the face of a prank puller. LMAo, whenever I did something worthy of getting in trouble, I get told, "Why would someone like you do that?" Well hear me with this...looks can be very decieving:) Anyway, someone sttarted banging on the door, and wouldn't stop, and I was getting nervous. I mean this is Brentwood we're in, so like shit like that is very possible, just maybe not so much in this neighborhood. But then the person started to twist the doorknob. My dad, went and got a fucking handgun. It looked so motherfucking cool. I was like oooh yess, shoot this bitch up. I thought of this one time when I was in first grade, someone prankcalled our phone, and we didn't have caller ID, and they were saying stupid shit about killing this whole family, and I was piss scared. But it turned out to be just a kid selling candy. It was so cool, I actually saw one of his guns that wasn't a rifle. oooh, and it's in my room, like the rest of my father's shit. Word of advice, never leave your house for seven years then come back. You don't even get a bed! lol, or at least in my case.

We went to Sue's, got attacked by bugs, and watched Rumor has it, which, to me, is a really funny movie. But then again, I'm amused easily, so it doesn't matter if I think it is funny. Chances are, if it's something most people laugh at, I won't laugh, but if it's just something stupid that only some laugh at, I'll be one of those some:) Then we went home, and I crashed on my floor a.k.a my bed and woke up at one in the morning. Then later went back to sleep until six. I didn't get ready right away, I hoarded all of my hidden bags and shit from the basement and brought them to my room. I did a good job of hiding them because now my room is neater with more shit in it than it was before. I want new chucks. Like bad. If they had to be low cut, then I would want them green. If they had to be high top, then just black. Sorry, had to express that. I want new shoes too. I love shopping, but have absolutely no need for it and no room for it, but that's just because I'm me, and I'm a greedy whore. I just want more and more shit. I want make-up too. lmao. I'll stop now, before I go one about CD's and video games. Like that ne zombie killing game that looks so fuckinguber cool...

I washed my hair, but did'nt do shit with my hair because I'm lazy. So I put my hat on, but I'm not sure if it is a real Von Dutch. I got it for twelve bucks, because it had yellow in it, and I wanted something yellow. LMAO, "want" is mentioned a lot in here. like, I want my own hand gun, or a sniper rifle. And a machete/katana/butterfly knife. I stole my brothers butterfly, lmao then my mom found it on me. I forgot it was illegal and carried it around in my pocket. Lmao. I remember when she found alcohol in my room, I told her it was for a science project. She's so dumb, I love it.

I sxometimes think of going back, because of material things. And sometimes I feel bad. But then I remember all the bad times. We fight over something like about what food to make, and it gets into a big problem, then it turns physical. And in the end we agree on something comppletely different and we're both crying, and one of us..will be sporting some sort of contusion. It's great. I mean, who would want to go back there, but yet I find myself being doubtful, and I can't have that. I don't and will not be going back there

I want to (haha, again) go to Grandma's again before school, which is 6 days away. I need to get my eyebrows waxed, and theres a place that does it like for reallly cheap. And with the fact that my only income is the money I find on the ground/ my quarter a day for lunch(Reduced lunch rocks my ass off) But oh well. Speaking of school(lunch) ANthony fucking pisses me off. He acts like he likes me and whatever, than he goes and brags about chilling with other chicks. Idon't care, but say I liked him. He's a fucking idiot, and that's why I won't waste my time on him. How many other girls did he act like he liked and then throw shit in teir faces... Guys are the dicks they don't have...Equivalent exchange. If you can't have one, be one:)

I put up new user pics most of which I made<33Go and take a lookies if you feel like it. And I want/need a hair cut:(
May be a good excuseCollapse )

If you want to get alive, then run for your life♥

8/25/06 09:48 am - Cool to Hate

Last night, I played the MKA game...again. Hey it gets me to sleep, why not?! Dad says that tonight I will be going to Grandma's....after we go to Sue's, where I must apologize to her...and Have a conversation. That wsa just thrown in there. I'm moste definitely not prepared for that. At all. I will ahve to suck it up and do it. It doesn't seem so bad anymore. It's not going to kill me, and if it was, that's when I should be worried. Everyone can't like me and I fucked up any relationship me and her would have, so it's my own fault; and I'm over it.

Lol, Uncle Joe said Sue can't be too pissed a me because Ian(her son) isn't exactly Mr. Social. Everytime he was invited to my Grandmother's he suddenly came down with an ailment and what not. But I'm not trashing him, he's shy. lMAO,Uncle Joe said, somehting about Sue being an asshole:D. I don't hate her, I just feel like my Dad is a bitch now. Not because of her, but....you know what I mean, or is it just me that understands where I'm going with this.

I got triggered last night, and now I have to hide from everyone, and I really fucking hate that. But now this morning Dad says he's thinking if I have another out break he will send me to Madonna Heights, which is an all girls reform school, where Jackie went. I don't want to go there because she went there. I'm sick of being called Jackie Jr. I'm not her, nor dop I try to be/act like her. I am my own person with my own problems.

I really don't wanmt to do either things tonight. I don't want to go to Grandma's. Joey has alcohol, but I just don't want to for two reasons. Sobering after how ever long get's emotional a lot of the times. I don't want to feel even worse then I've been starting to. Plus, this is wierd, but he's my cousin and he is always like too touchy with me, and I don't want to havev my guard down, because it is constantly up, reason being why he'll probably have no kids, because my fist/foot and his genetalia aren't on good terms. That was wierd, but I did say this will be a lot like my real journal. Most things I will write in here, no matter how fucking wierd and retarded they are.

On a cuter note, my dog is sleeping next to me. I said go to your basket, and she jumped on my back. It works, but she has to go back in at like ten thirty.

I realized I didn't lj cut properly yesterday, and that just pisses me off for no reason. New bras and shit possibly Saturday. I want to go shopping badly. It's fun.

London BridgesCollapse )
The Mystery Survey!Collapse )

8/24/06 09:02 pm - Basically Boredom

Okay, after I left you last time, I basically ...DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Well I can't beat the fucking level on the MKA game, so that is frustrating. Then Dad made me dinner, which was mashed potatoes and cheese...lol, not too much, but it was hella good. I love instant mashed potatoes.

Then Frankie put fake shit on the floor nwxt to my dog, and my dad was Furious. He hit the dog and I started crying, but Frankie was like it was fake. Frankie had the grin of a truant boy, and I was just like heart broken. But they made up; she adores him. Follows him and all. She got to chill with me, and after Frankie left I called Uncle Joe and we talked. He's fun to talk to. We talked about actors, real estate, relationships, sex, and my two brothers marriages..future ones rather. We bet on mikey and RO lasting forever and ever. Not so sure about Frankie though
One year they get engaged, and two years later, the marriage. Like a total of four years. Mikey and Ro would be like 10.

I walked into my room, and my dog was like fucking my panties. Their all wet and shit, and smell like dog. They were washed and everything.

I photo shopped a picture of anthony, and I will be posting it. It makes him look like a drag queen. Make up and all.

I mad ehis eyes a pretty sick green, if they could be an eye color. I made icons, and other shit, because I'm fucking bored. I'm hating everything, and I just don't see a purpose in anything else at the moment. Video games and LJ for me right now. It's pathetic. I wish I had a life.

If you can, amuse me please. I need something to smile at before I go insane.

Does anyone else, like when they feel like shit, listen to like a few songs that fit you mood, and like it makes you feel better. It makes some feel worse, but I feel so much better after...I don't know why.

<;j-cut text="Call it a complex">

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting...I get bored...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting...Some might call it vanity...I do too. THis is like the millionth picture of me. haha, I spruced it up and made it blueish.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hostingthisismewithglossylips...wooow

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting The autumn winds are bringing graves to all the emerald trees they're so beautiful and that just makes the colors slowly bleed

8/24/06 01:19 pm - Missing:My Life, if found...send it to me

Okay, yesterday and part of the day before have been nothing short of depressing. The most excitement I have had was screaming the sound effects of driver really loud and not getting in trouble. If that sounds appealing, I'll gladly trade. I got bored of Driver, because I know every road in Miami, and I'm too lazy to progress the NYC area. It's so gay, if you hit anorange cone or whatever, you get the fucking pigs on you, but you can fucking run red lights, cut bitches off, and drive your car into a wall and not get the pigs on you. It's fucking stupid. If there were that many cops all over the fucking place in real life, crime rate would be down, now wouldn't it. Speaking of crime, here's a fun fact: The most dangerous neighborhood in the United States of America is Camden, New Jersey!!

Anyway, this post wouldn't be that exciting if I didn't tell you that I am on master level in Mary Kate and Ashley's Girls Night Out for GameBoy advanced. I thought I sold it, good thing I didn't thoguh. It helps deal with extreme boredom. It is A LOT like DDR, surprisingly, and it's just like the one in the arcade for your hands. It's actually really fun, and it kept me up for an hour last night. I've been sleeping so much lately, maybe it's because I'm so bored. I woke up at like 5 30 ish today, then went back to sleep until 8 30. Everyone left except Frankie. But it's all good, there was nothing to do anyway.

I was eavesdropping, as usual (*gives shifty grin*) and I heard I was going to Grandma's and Aunt Lisa will be given money and I will go shopping. Hey, I might get a denim skirt. I've always wanted one, and since it was always denied, I always had to get long denim skirts and cut them 0.o I need new running shoes, and I made up my mind. I will do track again. Ryan is there and he is really good eye-candy. When the kid takes off his shirt it's like *eyes grow big and drools* I don't know how possible that shopping shit is going to be, but it's always good to hope for it/pretend it will happen, but it most likely won't.

What made the last few days even more sucky, was that I just don't feel up to anything. Whenever I am going back to Granny's, I won't be happy. I would just rather be stuck in my room wishing I was having fun. I don't feel like I deserve to go, not at the moment at least. I just feel that everything would be better anywhere If I wasn't around. I cause to much trouble trying to stay out of it. I like being in my room, or lost on the internet. Ifeel comfortable, so why take that away from me. When I'm at Granny's I never get to update, and updating makes my day a lot of the times.

I watched Mulan yesterday. I love that movie, it's so fucking funny. I don't like a lot of Disney movies, but I like that one. It's so cool because the ending wasn't a soppy romance, and the protagonist found out who she was in the end, and honored her family like she wanted. It sucks in China that women are basically shit. I would hate that. I think the high expwctations in those Asian/Oriental countries are the reason why there's a lot of suicide there. Japan has the highest rate for that. I forgot what it's called, but it's a lot like Hara Kiri. Death before dishonor..I think. Shit, all the times I "dishonored" this family, I would be like dead twenty million times. hahahahaha.

The other day I watched Kelly's Heroes. Clint Eastwood is such a fucking cool guy. He should have been the James Bond actor in his younger days. He has that arrogant," I'm gonna fucking kick your ass" look.

LMAO, they really hate me in that community. HAHAHA, it's so fucking funny looking at all of the responses. If this was me three years ago I would be like hysterical crying. But i got less mature over the years, so this is like...the type one embarrassment, where it's fucking hilarious.

That's really all, but I learned how to use Ulead, which is like photoshop, but for beginners. It makes me feel like a fucking proffesional.

Does anyone else hate it when something falls, and shit comes out, and then like you put it back all stable, and it falls again from like a breath of air, and you have to put all the shit back in? That just happened to me like five times.

I'll catch up on commenting soon, just Dad is being a bitch, and making me get off...like now.

I've been hanging out and counting down the time that I've been wastingCollapse )

8/22/06 02:44 pm - Forseen

Today I woke up really late, for me at least. It was like aroundd 8 03. I got ready and shit all in under 45 minutes!! Go me. So we left for that social worker lady, and the appointment was at ten. We got there at like 9 45 and fucking no one was there. With the five naps I took yesterday, and the lare amount of sleep I got last night, I just wanted to sit, because I was and still am really fucking tired. I'm going to take another nap. Well, like I predicted, Mom didn't give the lady any of my shit. She couldn't find any of my DVD's, which she knows very well would be. But then she might have given me those, I'll have to check. 0.o.She says she gave me most of my shit; Yeah fucking right. Like all of my shoes, my Kuroneko shirt, and other shit that is most definitely still there. She told the social worker she wants to go shopping together. I told her how that would be the biggest fucking debacle ever. We're one of those mother/daughter duos that shopping would just fucking suck. I only want to go shopping because she has a lot of fucking money, and I want a lot of new stuff, but I have no room here at daddy's. I said, she can order it offline, then send it to me. When I said that, she laughed and said that the point would be to see me. I said, I can send her a picture;). I'm not the type that could be bought, but I love milking her for all she's worth. My Dad knew that I would be stealing hundreds of dollars from her a week, and she never really noticed. I was a rich little eighth grader, but then when the school went through my shit, I got pinned for stealling some chicks money. I should have brought up that they need a warrant. I got back from OSS and ISS, so the bitch pinned it on me. Niice. What sucks is that they suspended me for arson. I just lit up a piece of toilet paper and sprayed perfume at it. I wasn't trying to light the whole mother fucking school on fire though. But the OSS, I was absent on a three day holiday from over the weekend to that day, so it felt really good. THe twoo ISS days were so relaxing. Finishing my shit before school, and being buds with the secretaries who made me popcorn and gave me bottles of water and yogurts and everything. Of course they made me go to a psychiatrist, but you just say you didn't know what you were doing and they're like, "Okay, go back to school and be good"

Then I played NHL 2K6 and fucking owned. I love video games:) One of my guys has 114 goals. hee hee hee, I'm gonna win the Stanley Cup. I'm so stupid, I fucking yell at my TV when the other team scores a goal. Then I played Driver on my gameboy. After I get off, I will most likely watch a movie...

Does anyone else in LJ love love love soup?Because it is my most favorite thing to eat in the fucking world besides candy and donus and pie and cake.

Hey Mister Rockstar, I want to grow up just like youCollapse )

8/21/06 08:17 pm - Can't Stay on Long

I'm in trouble for spraying air freshener. So I can stay onfor like a half an hour. I probably can't comment too much.

Today was shitty. All I did was listen to my iPod and nap.

Dad and I had another fucking talk. Okay Dad, you say you want me to get better, stop laying guilt on me, mother fucker. haha, I just called him a mother fucker. SO I tried to butter him up and kick ass and I wrote him a poem, but then I locked myself in my room, so it might not have counted for anything. He didn't say anything either. So what the fuck ever. Lol, I posted twice yesterday, because of lack of something to do. The community that rejected me really resents me. LMAO, oh fucking well I don' need to be in it. If they don't like my opinions, or think a person in a band that I like is a douche, oh fucking well. I'm immature and if that's why I can't be in it, I don't nwant to be in it. I'm ignorant in a lot of areas, and why the fuck do they want to know how I view things, people will just reject you if they don't agree, so it's utter bull shit. I would make a cool community if I knew how to. Most wouldn't get rejected and immaturity would just be funny. ANd there would be no stereotypes. If I hear shitfaces calling me emo or other shit like that again, I'll fucking slit their throats. I don't need a label, I'm a real person. Haha, mini rant.

Anyway, sorry for the high abundance of posting. I don't get out as much as I would like.

I hasve the social worker tomorrow, and we'll see if dearest mum gave me my shit. I just want my Harry Potter DVD's, amazing straightener, and guitar. I don't need clothes..Wait, I want all my shit. She doesn't deserve it. I would explain this whole predicament with her, but not now, it would take too long. Next time I have ten hours;) I just will do my best for Dad, and demand that I never see her again. I will change my attitude. Dad's cancer is out of remission. As much as he changed and I dislike a lot about him, I still love him, and he was there for me when my mother wasn't. I need a change, and I'll try to get better, so I will have to control my attitude, voice and sarcasm. I hate changing myself...But it will still be there, just not for Dad. oh well, I'll try to see if I can get online tomorrow, or where the fuck I'm going to be.

"Roses are Red
SOme Diamonds are blue
Chivalry is dead
But your still kind of cute"

We need chivalry nowadays...
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