I've given up on trying to write about the last two weeks, so I'll start from Sunday.
I had a talk with Frankie about my cutting problem, and I think I saw a light. He told me how he couldn't sleep the night before because he knew about what I did, and it really bothered him. I never wanted to make anyone else get upset, I wanted this to be a private thing. He told me, it makes him not want to hang out with me because I disturb him. How I translate it is that he abhors what I do to myself and that if I don't stop I will be pushing aaway someone I love, and that is the last thing I want. I swear I never want to fucking cut again. He dropped me off at Grandma's, who was miserable for things which I will get into later. I chilled outside with Joey, Chris, new girl which I am starting to not like Cathy, Ricardo, Frankie(not my bro), and this kid JR. They were all skating and shit, and I ended up lying down on a deck and getting ollied over, which was kind of fun in it's own way. Then Macho came out and played football with Brendan Avendido which I ended up joining with. It was cool. I love Macho, he's only 7 and can do more things on a bike than I could ever do in my life. I didn't even know how to ride a bike at 7. Anyway, after dinner, Jackie and I ended up just walking around talking and taking what we can get from a tiny bottle of German liquor. That just added to my theory: No alcohol( not including shnapps and what not) tastes good by itself; I think so, at least. So she told me how she is unsure if she is pregnant, which is a giant problem if she is. Then I talked to her about what Frankie said, and other things in the family category. It turns out, Joey bought a new hat and skateboard, and my Aunt Lisa( not his mom) thought he got the money by pushing drugs. She ended up throwing him down the stairs, following with a vacuum and some of his father's electronics. Make a long story short he got pissed, and he went to punch her and with her cat like quickness, she moved, him leaving a hole in the wall and having a broken wrist, which he still had not got set. That happened on Friday, I'm thinking. SO, obviously, they are not speaking with each other. I cut her hair when we got inside, and put in in a concoction that would later be poured all over the street because we're cool like that.
I made some eggies for breakfast, which were pretty good, if I do say so myself. Then we sat outside, and I had Jackie cracking up because I mimicked everything this guy accross the street was doing while he waited for his girlfriend. He's older, mind you, and what made me feel dick for a moment, was that he uses a hearing aid becuase he is deaf. Oh, well, It amused me, which sounds pretty bad, but I kind of ifnd myself not giving a shit, because it isn't like I hurt him or anything. Jackie was banned from seeing Jacinto for a month, which to me sounds like nothing, but it was some big shit for her. I apparently have the knowledge of love/like of a spoon, because adding to that, I still like Greg, but not as much asa I did. Now I can't stop seeing him as a brother. Fuck, I'll die single and a virgin. Oh, well. Later, she told me that she is planning on running away, which she did. I went home, and had the worst sleep, which has been normal, lately.
I woke up today, like I do everyday. And I knew that soemthing had to be up, I felt it inside me somewhere. I got to school, so far, things were normal. I found my two media requirements for the outside reading Project: Titanic and Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" I'm happy with it, and I'm quite proud of myself for being one of the five that have it even started. Second period, I was also quite pleased with myself. She made me and Nancy act/improvise in front of the class. I didn't turn red, nor did I choke, nor did I get embarrassed. I had confidence, I held my head up high, and I had fun. I the "Ismene" of a situation and she was the "Antigone". I had the class laughing, so I was having fun. I want to get up and do that more♥. I love that class so fucking much. Fifth, something odd happened. Kathy and I had a civilized conversation about horror flicks. I am not really too scared to watch them anymore. I watched Hellraiser: Bloodline, which was more gore, over the weekend, and I thought it fucking hilarious. Bones being ripped out of skin and fake mean dogs are kind of funny to me, so yeah. Lunch was cool, as was Chem. I have a 94 avereage so far and just recieved a 95 on the last test. I was like, "That's not bad" and she was like, " Not at all, that's excellent!" In gym, I hit Mike DiMeao, who's kind of close to hot, in the head with a frisbee on accident, and just had some fun. I love frisbees.
After school was math extra help. It didn't doo a lot for me, but I have a theory that it's good for oyur grade if you go, and not for the extra learning.
When I went home, I went to feed Zippy, and was overcome by some major curiosity. What doeas a hedgehog treat taste like? It was supposed to taste like papaya, and I think it did. EIther way, she's sharing that with me!! That isn't the first time I did something like that, nor the second. I had ferret treats before, and dog bisciuts, and goldfish flakes. What can I say, I am too curious for my own good/ curious by nature. Anyway, before Dad left, he gave me my cell phone in the case of him wanting to reach me( Dial Up Fucking SUCKS!) I got a message from my AUnt Doreen, telling me that Jackie climbed through her window last night and ran away. I called back, as she requested and spoke for about twenty three minutes. She told me how Jackie, if she gets caught, will face runaway charges and be sent back to Madonna Heights, which I know she hates. Her mom is willing to let er stay for two months until she's 17, so that way Jacinto won't face Statutory Rape. All I know is, so far, I am one of the only people who knows that she has a possibility of being pregnant. I'm scared for her, I am worried for her, and her family, which also includes me. I wonder where she is right now, and how everyone on Junard Drive is handling this. I want nothing less than for her to be safe, and well, unpregnated. I would do anything for her to come back. Ironically, Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton just made up. That was our Nicknames, her Paris, and I Nicole/ Nicky. This isn't cool. I know, in other entries, I was fuming about her, but still, she made me smile so many times before, and I do
love her. I just can't stand her sometimes. I just want her back, but if she doesn't want to be found, she probably won't. ( Engagement PartayyCollapse )